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NEW AUTHORS SHOWCASE

 

 

12M

P9

Barmy Ballads

By

George Flannery

ANTHONY & CLEOPATRA.

 

She lay in a bath of Asses milk,

Her mirror in her hand.

Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt,

Ruler of all of that, great land.

 

A Eunuch gently fanned her,

For she was fond of being fanned.

He was a slave from far off Wigan,

There he was an Enoch, I understand.

 

Now a humble slave in Egypt,

Robbed of his freedom, and his pride.

Robbed of other things as well,

But, we’ll just leave that aside.

 

A servant burst into the bathroom.

Well, not quite, for there was no door,

She prostrated herself on the marble,

Stretched out on the bathroom floor.

 

“Fair Queen Cleopatra,” She stuttered,

Wishing mightily she was back home.

There’s a feller wants to see you,

He says he’s a Consul from Rome.

 

Cleopatra sneered, and answered,

I’ll see him when I see fit.

Don’t lie there you stupid woman,

Go, and fetch me my clean kit.

 

Now dressed real posh, and regally,

In clothes that became a queen,

She went to meet the Roman,

Though she wasn’t really keen.

 

Roman’s usually have big noses,

It seems a national trait.

But, this one was really handsome,

He was very fair of face.

 

His name was Mark Anthony,

A nice name, she liked the sound.

‘He’ll do for a couple of nights.” She thought,

 “There are not many good, lookers around.”

 

He rose from his seat as she entered,

She was surely a sight to behold.”

He studied her from head to toe,

Gasped “Your gorgeous if I may be so bold.

 

I bet, you say that to all the girls.”

She said. Smiling, as her eyelids fluttered.

Anthony was completely overcome.

“I’ll have some of that.” He muttered.

 

“Come sit with me.” She cooed.

Anthony’s heart began to pound.

He would have grabbed, and kissed her,

But there were Eunuchs all around.

 

After a truly sumptuous supper,

Where, Anthony sat at her side.

Cleo. Said. “Your fame comes before you,

Anthony’s chest swelled with pride

 

Cleopatra said. “We are short of beds,

I’m afraid you’ll have to share mine.

“That’s if it’s all right with you.” She smiled.

Anthony whispered. “It sounds divine.”

 

So, Anthony, and Cleo became lovers,

And he forgot all about Rome.

Never giving a thought to his Missus,

Poor Flavia waiting at home.

 

Anthony went completely overboard,

With Cleopatra, he was besotted.

His duties to Rome, and to Caesar,

Out of mind. Absolutely forgotten.

 

So it went on for many months,

He had now become Cleo’s slave.

Till a messenger arrived from Rome,

With news that was truly grave.

 

Anthony read the bad news,

“Oh dear!” He said with a sigh,

“I’ll have to inform Cleopatra,

I’ll join your ship by, and by.”

 

He rooted out his armour,

Donned his Roman soldiers togs.

Told Cleopatra. “I’m off to Rome,

My Missus has popped her clogs.”

 

“So you’re leaving Anthony.” She cried,

“I think you’ve got some neck.

After all I have given you,

Return soon, or I’ll follow you by ‘eck.”

 

Caesar was most vexed with Anthony,

Having heard some lurid tales.

He thought “I sent him to Egypt,

I should have sent him to Wales.”

 

He told Anthony “Now that you are a widower,

You can marry our Octavia.

She’ll save you from Egyptian wantons,

My sister could be your saviour.”

 

So Anthony married Octavia,

But, it was mainly to keep the peace.

For Octavia was a goody, goody,

And poor Anthony was ill at ease.

 

Octavia was cold, and virginal,

Cleopatra still filled Anthony’s dreams.

So he headed back to Egypt,

To, rejoin his lascivious, fiery queen.

 

Caesar was now very annoyed with Anthony,

So he brought his army to Actium to fight.

Caesar’s men won the battles,

And Anthony’s team, were put to flight.

 

Anthony, by now had fallen out with Cleo,

He thought she had betrayed, and let him down

Anthony swore he would do her in.

So Cleopatra got out of town.

 

Cleopatra sent a messenger to Anthony,

To tell lies and, say that she was dead.

Anthony was shaken, and stricken with grief.

He wailed. “My love, my queen ‘Brown bread!”

 

There’s nowt for me to live for now,

“Kill me dear friend” Anthony asked Eros.

His friend killed himself instead,

Saying. “Never, never, I don’t kill heroes.

 

So Anthony fatally stabbed himself,

And was taken, dying to CIeo, who cried.

“Anthony my darling, my beloved.”

But poor Anthony just curled up and died.

 

“That’s it.” CIeo sighed, and topped herself,

 “I’m, coming my Anthony She gasped.”

She had to use a carving knife,

For someone had pinched her Asp.

 

RAGGED MARY.

I have a little Girl doll,

I call her Ragged Mary.

Tatty hair, and just one sock,

But! Oh, I love her dearly.

 

I have had this little ragged doll,

For such a long, long time.

I don’t remember when I got her,

I only know she’s mine.

 

Her clothes they are so shabby,

She has a very grubby dress.

I don’t really want to change her,

Though she looks a proper mess.

 

Her poor face has seen better days,

There’s a piece out of her Nose.

Various other scrapes, and scratches,

Though, I’m to blame for those.

 

A tatty, sad old little doll,

But, she has her own sweet charm,

I love her, oh so very much,

Though she only has One arm.

 

NIGHT THINGS.

Down the misty valley,

In, the Darkly Wood.

Goblins making arrows,

Dipped in Dragons Blood.

 

Leathery Bats out hunting,

Cross the starry sky.

Floating on the midnight air,

A lonely Barn Owl’s cry.

 

Witches riding broomsticks,

With, their black cats in rear.

Cats with curly whiskers,

Travelling without fear.

 

Misty spooky shadows,

Roaming ruined castle halls.

Creepy crawly creatures,

Lurking in mossy walls.

 

Awful creatures of the night,

Causing adult flesh to creep.

The very stuff of nightmares,

They lull my child to sleep

 

Hiding in between the covers,

There, every time I look.

Fairies, Witches, and Goblins,

In his Magical Story book.

SECOND HELPINGS.

 

“Come in here dearest daughter.”

Said Little Red Riding Hood’s Mother,

“I want you to go on an errand,

And, I don’t want any bother.”

 

“I want you to go to Grannies,

Take the short cut through the woods.

Granny hasn’t been too well lately,

So, I’m sending her some fancy goods.”

 

Red Riding Hood set out for Grannies,

Her little heart was light, and gay.

She was very fond of her Granny,

And, it was a lovely, summer’s day.

 

But in the woods a Wolf was lurking,

That’s what Wolves do. They lurk.

Wolves spend all day at it,

For, they are not too fond of work.

 

This one was in a very bad mood,

It was two days since he’d had any food.

When he heard the patter of footsteps,

Along came Little Red Riding Hood.

 

“Stand and deliver.” Shouted the Wolf,

He’d been reading too many books.

He’d read all about highwaymen,

And, many, other, assorted, crooks.

 

 

“I’m going to eat you.” Said the Wolf,

 “I’m desperate for a good meal.”

Hold on said Red Riding Hood,

Perhaps we could do a deal.

 

“You’ll like this.” Said Red Riding Hood.

‘For I have got a plan that’s canny.

We’ll share the goodies between us,

Then, I’ll take you to my Granny.”

 

“Granny is the one you really want,

She’s so much bigger than me

There will be plenty for your dinner,

And, some left over for tea.”

 

They arrived at Granny’s cottage,

Poor Granny succumbed with a yell.

But, the Wolf was a greedy beggar,

And, he ate Red Riding Hood as well.