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NEW AUTHORS SHOWCASE
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30-06-10 12M p9 |
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Mark Tunley’s Poems by Mark Tunley |
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Neurotic Neighbours
I bought myself a new guitar and play it all the time my flatmate thinks it sounds alright but both my neighbours whine they told me that it had to go or I would have to move I said you need to lighten up and get into the groove.
Bert
My head felt really itchy so I had a thorough scratch I think I must have caught a flea from Bert our mangy cat he’s always been a nuisance but it seems he’s getting worse he knows I want to bath him but I’ll have to catch him first.
Pedal Power
I’ve owned a bike for many years and ride it all the time it’s cheaper than the car I had and seems to suit me fine it doesn’t need an MOT or petrol in the tank the cash I spent on parking fees I now put in the bank.
Going Grey
I always comb my auburn hair at least three times a day but can’t pretend I like split ends and strands of silver grey they make it look so very dull and not a pretty sight my wife said I should have it dyed and then I’ll be alright.
Phones
It’s nice to have a mobile phone and contact all your mates without one you could feel alone and be in dire straits they come in different colours and do lots of clever things some people like to send a text but I prefer to ring.
Brothers
I have an older brother but we don’t get on that well he said he’s never liked me and he hopes I rot in hell my mum thinks he’s an angel and prefers him more to me one day she may discover just how nasty he can be.
Hired Help
I always have my windows cleaned and car washed once a week a friend called Dave is also paid to keep my garden neat he’s helped me with so many things like learning how to swim he even gave my boyfriend Wayne a hand with moving in.
Fruit Fanatic
Ever since I tried a grape I’ve been obsessed with fruit my mum and dad were really glad but spent a lot of loot they said it cost a fortune buying food I like to eat my favourite thing is mandarins and strawberries that are sweet.
Lame Leg
I’ve never been an active man and sport holds no appeal I tried to play a game of darts but gave up feeling ill my throwing arm felt very sore I also hurt my back just couldn’t stand there any more my legs were really whacked.
Zoo Day
The Zoo was so amazing we had lots to see and do I saw a baby gorilla and a massive kangaroo I even got to feed a wolf and travel on a train my dad said he was so impressed we’d have to go again. |
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TV Times
I love to watch the telly it’s my favourite thing to do I’m very keen on wild life and enjoy Eastenders too the films are really gripping and I also like the news without my daily viewing I would always have the blues.
Forever Friends
I’ve known my mate for many years we’ve always got on well she’s helped me with a lot of things I think she’s really swell we hope to stay forever friends and live our lives in peace my love for her could never wane and will not ever cease.
Old Tessie
My car is old and rusty and the tyres are nearly bald the seats have gone all musty and the engines leaking oil I’d love to get a new one but I don’t know if I will the thought of selling Tessie makes me sad and always will.
Party Planner
I love a childrens party how it brings me so much joy it’s nice to see them smiling as they play with all their toys sandwiches and jelly is the food they like to eat before they leave they all receive a goodie bag of treats.
Down The Gym
You’ll find me down the local gym from six on Wednesday nights I like to keep myself in trim while chatting to the guys I’m always on the treadmill though I like to lift some weights the girls all say I’m really fit and ask me out on dates.
Stubborn Bag
My girlfriends got a lot of bags and plans on getting more I told her that she had enough but I was just ignored there’s nothing I can say or do to make her change her ways she’s always been a stubborn moo and has the final say.
All Alone
Being old is often tough when people aren’t around the life you had was really fab and never got you down but now you spend the days alone just sitting in your flat the only thing you do is moan and feed your neighbours cat.
Over Worked
You’ve done a lot of cleaning and the dirt has gone away your house is really gleaming but it’s taken you all day although you’re feeling tired and just want to go to bed there’s more to do like make a stew and paint the garden shed.
Duty Bound
I revel in my duties as a Psychiatric nurse the patients are demanding but my colleagues could be worse we rub along together and just help each other out last week I covered Brian as he suffers with his gout.
Sun Scream
The pain of being sunburnt is the worst I’ve ever felt my back was red and blistered and so sore it made me yelp it hurt so much I couldn’t sleep and never went to work I should have taken mum’s advice and worn a cotton shirt.
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Lovely Loser
My neighbour is a loser and a very anxious man he works a lot of hours but it’s getting out of hand his wages are atrocious and his marriage is a joke it makes me feel like crying as he’s such a lovely bloke.
Night Out
It’s now eleven thirty and I’m queuing in a line the girls are really flirty And my evenings going fine The club is very busy I’ve had such an awesome night At three I’ll get a Doner And will probably have a fight,
At the market
The market place is brimming And the stalls are full of tripe The children stand there screaming While their parents look uptight It’s just another Thursday And I’m down here once again I don’t know why I bother As I find it such a pain.
Rush Round
Our Postman’s always smiling And seems such a happy man I see him in the mornings As he parks his little van I’m usually on my way to work or going down the shop He sometimes gets to say hello But hasn’t time to stop
Small change
I have a little wallet but it’s never very full it only cost a fiver from a local market stall the colour’s slightly faded and the stitchings come undone I think I ought to bin it and just get another one.
Smashing Son
My son is heavy handed and it drives me round the bend he’s always breaking something so there’s loads of stuff to mend I don’t know how he does it but I hope it’s going to stop last week he broke our oven and his daughters wooden cot.
Use Your Loaf
A loaf of bread is lovely but can taste a little bland I’d rather make a sandwich using cheese or strawberry jam it doesn’t matter what I have I always clear my plate my favourite fillings Parma ham and juicy tender steak.
Driven Mad
I took some driving lessons but they didn’t go to plan the chap who tried to teach me looked a very worried man he told me I was useless and would never pass my test I said you must be joking but he didn’t seem impressed.
Tough Talk
My palms are feeling sweaty and my mouth has gone all dry I’m sitting on the settee at my girlfriend’s house in Rye her mum is really pleasant but her dad seems kind of gruff he looks like Graham Norton but his voice sounds very tough.
Morning Cuppa
While the kettles boiling I prepare the pot and mugs it’s seven in the morning and I’m here with husband Doug we both enjoy a cuppa it’s the drink we like the most I serve our tea with sugar and a slice of buttered toast.
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