|
NEW AUTHORS SHOWCASE
|
|
15-05-07 12M p9 |
|
The Miracle
An excerpt from 'Treasured Memories', A selection of poems by Jean E McGuigan |
|
There was a time not long ago when I experienced a miracle. To be exact it was February 2nd, 1963; a day that came to mean much to me.
I awoke that morning feeling good but nevertheless I touched on wood. I really thought I was expecting a child. This sort of news sends young wives wild. Sometimes it’s from fear. Sometimes it’s delight. But all I know is that my heart took fright. It wasn’t because I felt happy or sad, but rather becos’ I’d been feeling bad. I’d lost one child after another in my quest to become a mother. I’d been advised not to try again, but my heart was broken and feeling such pain.
I love children with a passion, but losing these babes had taught me a lesson. I used to think, ‘What have I done that God wouldn’t grant me a daughter or son?’ I just wanted a child to love and hold. One little mite, before I was old. But it seems it was not meant to be so let us get back to 1963. I’d already had four little children. The first was a baby girl sent from heaven. She came into this world barely six and a half months. So she really didn’t stand much of a chance. I don’t think I’ll go into the rest. I’ll just say that I did my best. My best seems not to have been good enough, but my life had been happy and not too tough. I was very grateful for this and having my wish granted would have given me such bliss.
On that day so long ago, I began to feel so full of woe. Halfway through the morning, I developed a pain. I said to myself, ‘Oh God, not again!’ I was in the house all on my own. But somehow I didn’t feel alone. It seemed to me I was aware of a ‘presence’. I tried to understand but it made no sense. I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. It was then I realised I was about to die. I opened my eyes and at the end of my bed I beheld Jesus Christ. I thought I was dead. I closed my eyes and prayed not to die. I did not want to bid this world ‘Goodbye’. I opened them and, once again, He was beside me and I felt no pain. He looked down on me with such divine grace, as I gazed up into that wonderful face. He held out His hand – I struggled into a sitting position - I reached forward to touch it and began to listen. I could hear a choir of angels singing. I felt myself lifted up; my ears were ringing. After a while I was dropped back down and was surrounded by this heavenly sound.
I felt as though I was about to give birth. A feeling so wonderful, yet not of this earth. The lower part of my body seemed to be opening wide. ‘I’m about to produce the head’, I thought with pride. I held my breath and, instead of a head, a thick spongy liquid flooded the bed. I thought to myself, ‘What on earth can this be?’ My spine felt completely empty. It was just as if it was an empty tube and I was surprised to realise that from the waist down I was completely nude.
I lay there not knowing quite what to expect, then suddenly there came a very loud crack. I felt something leave my neck and travel down to the base of my spine. It seemed to lodge there and made me feel fine. I know it sounds weird but it felt like a cork and when I got off the bed I found I could walk. I had not done this for some time, because I was aware there was something wrong with my spine. That was how I came to lose my children. I just could not go the full term with them.
Some time later, I was in hospital; my husband had returned and made this possible. As I lay in my warm soft bed, I thought of all the things the doctor had said. He’d said, “Do you realise you’ve given birth to yourself? You have not been in the best of health. This should improve now, so have a good rest. Just lay back and relieve all the stress.”
I did so just as he had advised. I lay back and closed my eyes. After a while I became aware that there was a strange lady standing there. It made me feel so very strange, as if not of this world though I wasn’t in pain. She had the most beautiful face and gazed down on me with angelic grace. She said, “Someone else was supposed to be here.” I was puzzled, yet I felt no fear. She placed her hands upon my head and this is what the lady said. She said, “You will go home soon and live with your husband; but from now on you will have no more children. You will be unable to conceive again, I’m afraid; all that has come to an end. So, my child, please listen to me. I am going to do something to set your mind free.” She laid a hand gently on my eyes. I gasped, “Please, oh please, I don’t want to die, I want to live longer, please let me try. There was one special thing I wanted to do.” “Then, go ahead, do it, dear. That is up to you.” I let out a sigh of utter relief that I wasn’t going to suffer any untold grief. She removed her hand from my eyes and I saw this white light leave my body and rise to the skies. “Now, Jean dear, you have nothing to fear. I’m right here with you. Touch me, I’m so very near. That was your earthly spirit leaving your body.” I sobbed and looked up and way up above me I saw a vision so truly lovely. I thought to myself, ‘How can this be? I am still here, so what on earth is within me?’ She glanced sideways with a tender sweet smile. I gazed back at her for what seemed a long while. Finally she said, “Jean, there are certain people like us. We must truly believe that heaven has blessed us.”
It was then I felt the first inklings of fear. She got up and left and then I shed a tear. I thought to myself, ‘What’s so special about me? Perhaps if I tell my story, then people will believe me.’
Several hours later, the doctor gave me some water. Plus two large white tablets, which made me most thoughtful. I took them at nine o’clock that night, then a feeling came over me of such utter fright. I went out like a light. I remember nothing that strange dark night. My mind was just entirely blank as into the deep dark pit I sank.
A second later (or so it seemed), I heard someone calling my name, “Jean!” It seemed as if I had ‘passed over’. It appeared to me that my life was now over. I opened my eyes (it was nine hours later). The nurse gave me a sip of water. The doctor whispered to the nurse (and I overheard). I know that this sounds particularly absurd. “Nurse, what time did this patient go ‘stiff’?” “At three thirty a.m., Doctor.” (This gave me such grief). I started to think that perhaps I was special. Was I really put in this world to become successful?
“Doctor?” “Yes?” “Can I speak to you? There are certain things I don’t understand.” He smiled sweetly and took my hand. “Don’t try too hard, Jean. Things happen for a reason. We may not know what they are but everything has a meaning. Tell me something about yourself. And don’t be afraid because I’m going to write it all down.” “Well, Doctor. Why exactly did this happen to me?” “I cannot tell you. But obviously it was meant to be. There is more to heaven and earth than meets the eye.” “Doctor, tell me, am I going to die?” “We’re all going to die, sometime, my dear. You’re not at the moment so you’ve nothing to fear.” “Did a miracle happen to me?” “Yes, it did, Jean. Tell me, is there anything in particular you wanted to do?” “I wanted to become a writer.” “As I said before, that’s up to you.” “Do you think I could do it?” “Yes, you can. You’ve talent and imagination, you’ll be just grand.” “I’ve always felt I was destined to write.” “If you feel like that, go for it, dear. Go for it with all of your might.” “Thank you, Doctor, is there anything else I should know?” |