Page Title

Synopsis, Bob

Bob has seen it all. He's seen battles fought, people die, aliens and a hoard of zombies intent on destroying the last of humanity. He's lived a full and interesting life although all of it has been through the medium of television. In fact he even witnessed the end of the world as we know it on TV; unfortunately for him he didn't realise it was real and went to bed as normal full of chocolate and beer.

Now, with alien invaders knocking at his door and with humanity in its death throws, he'll need to face the post apocalyptical world to try and save us all. It's ok though because he's seen Mad Max three times so he knows what to expect.

God's sense of humour once again comes into play as the world is left in the podgy hands of an overweight couch potato who hasn't been part of the real world for years. Will Bob be able to cross the radiation desert, gather the survivors of humanity together and form a band of warriors to fight off the alien hoards? Will he be able to save humanity as it spirals in the same direction as the Dodo? Will he actually have the energy to get passed his front door?

With the odds stacked against him Bob will have to face his worst nightmares, and I don't mean the one where he still has chips left but he runs out of Tomato Sauce. I don't think Humanity has too much too worry about, do you?

Section of Chapter 1

He wasn't awake to see the emergency news broadcast which cut into the film, his sleep by that stage had passed further into the realms of unconsciousness. He missed the serious face of the news reporter as tears ran from her eyes. He wasn't awake when the TV image became nothing more than static, even worse than the picture on channel 5. In fact he wasn't awake for a long, long time.

The heavy knocking on his door finally brought him back to the world of the wakeful, a persistent drumming which worked its way down into his brain and brought him back from whatever dream land he currently inhabited.

He blinked, opening his eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright sunlight. It wasn't until he tried to sit up straight that he noticed the hardcore dance party which seemed to be situated inside his head, somewhere behind his eyes. He swallowed slowly, his mouth feeling dryer than a badgers arm pit, and wondered what the hell had happened. He couldn't remember drinking much last night, in fact he thought he'd fallen asleep pretty early, although it wouldn't be the first time he had lost an entire evening. .

He glanced around the room as the knocking came again, heavier this time, as if the person on the other side of the door was giving him one last chance to open it before they smashed it down. Everything in the lounge looked the same except for the thick layer of dust which seemed to cover everything, even the half eaten bar of chocolate on the table which he had worked his way through last night.

"All-rite man", he shouted to whoever was growing impatient on the other side of the door. "Just gis a bloody second like".

He pulled himself up to his feet and then fell straight over, slamming back into the couch. His legs felt like jelly, as if they were unused to carrying him places, as if they'd forgotten.

Suddenly, lying there amongst the remains of his shattered sofa, he was starving, his body almost screamed at him for food. He felt as if he hadn't eaten for months, which couldn't have been true since he made sure he ate every hour on the hour. He felt light headed and weak but there was no reason why.

He reached out to the half eaten bar of dairy milk and picked it up, making a half hearted attempt to get the thick of the dust off he shoved a huge chunk of it into his mouth. It tasted stale, old but since it was chocolate he didn't really mind.

He made another attempt to get to his feet and this time managed to reach the door, although he took a round about route which involved him smashing into every item of furniture he owned, some of them not even in the lounge. He sucked in a deep breath as the knocking came again, shacking the whole wall of the house in front of him.

"All bloody rite man", he screamed as he pulled the door open, spitting small chunks of saliva and chocolate into the face of the waiting knocker. "Give a man a bleeding chance to get tee his awn door like".

The sight that greeted him momentarily stunned Bob into silence. In front of him, stood on his door step, was what could only be described as an alien. Bob blinked once but the little green man just stood there, staring back with a big wide smile on its face.

He was only about five feet tall and he was clad from head to foot in a kind of all in one silver body suit. Its head was completely hairless and shaped like a cartoon heart. Set into the skin were two large eyes which blinked slowly as they stared at Bob and below these were two small slits that could have been nostrils and a wide smiling mouth. The whole of its skin was the colour of mushy peas.

"Jesus, your head is bloody massive like!" Bob exclaimed after finally swallowing his mouth full of chocolate.

The alien took a slight step back, the smile fading from his face and his wide eyes somehow growing more serious even though they remained perfectly round and saucer like.

"Hello Bob, I'm here for you", the alien said, its voice sounding high pitched and squeaky.

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More like given up, being Bob's legs can't have been easy let's be honest, I wouldn't have wanted that job.

He had even perfected the art of sleep eating; it was just one of the things which made him special.

Before you get all high and mighty about my predictable alien description I want you to consider the element of proof. I am telling you that is what aliens look like it's up to you to prove me wrong and I won't accept the word of anyone who claims to have been kidnapped by aliens, legitimate proof only please.