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Howdy! ...

Greetings! Cyber- Texas Rangers! Nice to see all you happy faces 'round the campfire …"

Farren Gainer: Cowboy poet/Pop preacher as "The Limestone Cowboy".

In the province of Ontario in Canada from April/May of 2008, "The Town-to-Town Preacher Tour" - all will be revealed through awesome cowboy poetry and love songs.

"I always been able to fascinate people with my originality and I like to think of the Limestone City of Kingston, Ontario "as the last of the real Canadian frontier towns". However, when it comes to preachin', I'm more of a lawman than a cowboy, 'cuz my preachin' is a religious commitment to upholding the decency of living in a civilized society.

My cowboy poetry often tackles importantly issues such as questioning why "Boot Hill" cemeteries - full of wayward Christians - have been turned into "theme-parks/haunted ghost walks? And, then, there are my show-stoppers such as: "The Power of Prayer", "Television Addiction" and "Can You Imagine?" - a satirical but profound spoof explaining what could happen if the Animal Kingdom suddenly decided to copy MAN." You'll find my repertoire diversified and poetically "trail-blazing" and truly reflective of a Frontiersman 'as poet'. And yes, you'll be curious to know my Christian message: Well, take me on and… find out!"

'In the last days, The Gospel will be spread by Cowboy'...

This was a prophecy of noted English prophet, Smith Wigglesworth in the late 1880's. After the coming of the new millennium it seems evident that this prophecy is being fulfilled. "Cowboy Church" type services are enjoying a tremendous resurgence. (Excerpt: The Nashville Cowboy Church website).

"Citizens of Limestone City, I have here a "Wanted" poster, it reads:

WANTED: ALIVE!

THE LIMESTONE COWBOY!

Reward: 1,000 Hugs!

Callin' all literary bounty hunter agents to be on the lookout for this hombre spreadin' his Lone Ranger middle-class values across the page! Why, it's disgustin'.

We've got to object to this trail-blazin' of decency and civility! The Limestone Cowboy is a role model of old-fashion values and wholesome entertainment - he's got to be stopped!

And, beware this hombre is armed! Armed with a pen and paper. Approach with caution, ink stains is hard to remove!

...Why here comes with "The Limestone Cowboy" now with his awesome poetry: Tales from the Trail!"

Farren Gainer, a professional performance poet has a long track record of performance poetry beginning at The Basement Coffeehouse in New York City back in the 1970's and progressed to paid performances in Los Angeles, Vancouver, Calgary and Ottawa. Followed by a series of stints in England in order to become a better writer successfully created a very large repertoire of poetry characters and love songs!

However, is now specializing in newly presenting himself as "The Limestone Cowboy" because it is the best vehicle of expression to compliment his baby boomer Canadian identity.

Note: In 2006, self-published 3 limited editions - all signed and numbered with titles inspired by Shakespeare. Namely, these editions are titled, "My Penny of Observation", "To Ease the Anguish of a Torturing Hour" and "Better a Witty Fool than a Foolish Wit". This features over 45 performance poetry pieces often performed by his special poetry characters".

Some old and new reviews:

"Gainer's routines are a perfect example of Hamlet's advice to the players: Suit the action to the word and the word to the action!" Mah, The Gauntlet, University of Calgary.

"A superlative comic & poetic experience".

W.R. McDougall, Mount Royal College Reflector. Calgary, Alberta.

"I hope Farren Gainer becomes a regular on the poetry folk circuit".

Andy Knight, Organizer. The Bideford Poetry Festival 2005. Bideford, Devon.

"Farren Gainer was runner-up in the 2006 Grand Slam poetry competition". Marcus Moore, Spiel Productions/Phoenix Arts & Media Vibraphonic Festival. Exeter, England

A favorite audience comment: "Excuse me, Mr.Gainer but what you do is so much fun!"

Return to Boot Hill (excerpt)

By Farren Gainer

…So, if you're a cowboy poet dead of late

Got yourself a mighty fine piece of real estate!

A simple pine box is plenty strong

And, you'll be buried with your boots on!

Laid to rest

Hands across yon chest.

Of course, what ya died of - who knows?

But, you'll get a card from Lily and a tear from Rose.

Personally, as I lay there

With a manic stare

See the light catches my moustache

To hides the pockmarks and the rash!

Makin' sure things are in place

Bury me with my gun

In case, the devil shows his face!

Oh, just before ya shut the coffin lid

I know, it's a moment we are dread

But, could ya crouch down and say in my ear,

"Are ya sure, yer dead?

Oh, and please don't nail my coffin shut.

Try not to be a Doubtin' Thomas

I won't be goin' anywhere… I promise!

And lastly, among the bramble, spurs and the roots

I'll recognize 'em other poor souls…by their boots.

No need to make a fool out of a man

Just 'cuz, he died with a gun in his hand…

Kingston - A Small Big Town

By Farren Gainer

Now I said hello to her by her home gate

Then, saw her again and again that day

Aren't small towns great?

I saw her in the bank

And, again by the fish tank

I said, "How about a date?"

Aren't small towns great?

Of course, I knew her pa and her ma

And her cousin, Sally Straw

And, how she was engaged to my Uncle Bill

Who died of late?

Aren't small towns great?

Now, Gertrude had her moods.

But, I knew every man who ever knocked on her door

From the casino owner… to the town bore.

I was on her wavelength - part of her fate.

Aren't small town great?

Why I wrote her poetry…

Why I wrote her poetry with the profundity of a Leo Tolstoy!

She said she was happy with me bein' "The Limestone Cowboy!"

Then, one day she saw me and hurried to cross the street.

I scratched my head trying to look discreet.

Did she have a new beau?

Would I be the last to know?

I thought she was my soul mate!

Maybe, small towns… ain't so great!

What is an honest man?

"An honest man is basically like a St. Bernard dog who likes to rescue and offer a brandy. Be patted on the head once in a while and thrown a bone (a good meal). Taken for a walk and allowed to hang around a warm fireplace and not do too much. An honest man prides himself at being faithful and a good watchdog. You see he's not that complicated. But, kick the old dog and see what happens".

-The Limestone Cowboy-