Page Title

Synopsis

Since time travel has been invented, irresponsible people have been able to alter the course of history with journeys back in time. A government agency now monitors history and sends agents back in time to make minor corrections, ensuring everything runs smoothly.

This silly story starts in the future, where our two main protagonists work as government agents. In this assignment, agents Chendo and Jid travel back to help Robin Hood escape from Nottingham Castle with the aid of the band of outlaws. Coping with mediaeval life is difficult for the two but they manage to succeed in their mission after various disasters and lucky escapes.

Excerpt from Chapter One

The Government department concerned with monitoring the passage of history was called SPLURT. It was there ostensibly to protect people who had their lives changed by time travellers. As time travel became common, these date-trippers regularly messed up the course of history, invariably disadvantaging someone else. Of course, the disadvantaged people wouldn't know that their lives had been interfered with and so didn't care, but that didn't make it fair.

SPLURT had initially been a financial watchdog created to stop people going back in time and opening bank accounts, then collecting the interest many years later. This problem came to a head in 2306, with the Great Enormous Whole World Crash, when over half of the population realised their assets and became multi-billionaires. This crisis was, of course, averted a few days after it had happened, when the World Government all went back in time to 2304, and persuaded themselves to pass three laws:

a) that all people who opened bank accounts must carry an electronic identity card showing both their date of birth and their age that day,

b) that all money from all bank accounts, as of that day, were frozen, and the money transferred into the governments account

c) that a new currency be created.

There were many loopholes, but these were quickly ironed out with supplementary journeys back into previous times. The riots which inevitably ensued as everyone had their money taken away, had of course not happened, and so were of no consequence. To everyone's delight, the surprisingly good government financial statistics for 2304 led to zero tax rates for twenty years, much higher state benefits and a universal six week paid holiday at the government's expense. This last measure was a disaster as no hotels were open, no transport was available, and all the shops were shut.

The upshot of all this was that the government inaugurated SPLURT. (No one who worked there was sure what the department's original name had been and hence what the acronym covered. The current official name was The International Definitive Prescribed Historical Event Monitoring Recording and Control Department but IDPHEMRACD was a little cumbersome and the SPLURT name was retained out of practicality rather than affection.)

SPLURT's remit covered the Neolithic period onward and all events up until 2304 were fully documented and assured. Thus history was preserved and constantly monitored as it happened. Events after 2304 were covered by a separate department.

Chendo's working week consisted of arriving at 9.00 a.m. on a Monday for a briefing and travelling back in time. There he would ensure that certain people were encouraged to do certain things, or were talked out of doing certain other things, in order that history ran smoothly. He would return at 10.00 a.m. and the rest of the week was his.

The lift travelled up for 37 floors before Chendo reached the ground floor, and stepped outside, along with the other 18 occupants, onto the platform of the scooter station. Chendo had never quite understood why he still had to use the scooters. Scooters seemed to be something of an anachronism, but there wasn't really anyone he could complain to and nothing would get done if he did. He had even once written a letter to the New Amsterdam Times to the effect that if scooters came complete with a mini time-travel capability, you could transport yourself back about half an hour and never be late for work. He received a reply saying "Get up earlier, you dirty stop-out."

Instantaneous travel was common, and invariably used for intercontinental journeys. Scooters were kept around cities because of the enormous psychological benefits of physically travelling to work. Research showing this was funded through the unparalleled generosity of Super Scoot Inc.

About thirty scooters were lined up along the centre of the platform of the scooter station. They looked something a little like old motor-bikes in that they had a seat, and handle bars. The two important respects in which they differed from motor-bike was that they had no motor and, lacking wheels, they were not bikes. Chendo sat on the nearest one.

"Please insert your Disabled Users Card," it said.

Chendo got off. He kicked the scooter then sat on the next one.

"Please press button 'D' for the directory of destinations, or simply enter the co-ordinates of the required destination, followed by the enter button," it said, but Chendo already had. The Scooter started making a fearful humming noise which drowned out the message:

"You have selected Super Fast Mode, please ensure that you are holding on tightly and that all your personal possessions are well secured. This journey will cost you 278 creds. Insert your card to commence travel."

Scooters were provided as a free service by the local council, but in fact made a vast profit. They could, of course, be used for nothing, and many people did use them without spending any creds. Scooters made their profit from two sources. Firstly the rider was constantly bombarded with loud advertising, secondly Super Fast Mode cost extra. Some people, like Chendo, were always late and had to use Super Fast Mode. The banality of the advertising further ensured almost all upgraded to SFM at some point during their journey...